Friday, August 15, 2014

The Ancient Art Of I Stand On Your Back Now

Nothing ruins a relaxing 60min, $5 massage like shooting pain all through your body. Through a series of stretches and applied pressure to specific points on the body, the Thai massage is suppose to  relieve the recipient of tension and tightness in the body. Masseuses use their entire bodies to contort you and themselves into different positions. It's like they're making your body do the yoga for you while occasionally punching, slapping and beating you.
However, calling yourself a masseuse in Thailand is like calling yourself a cosmetologist if you've ever put on your own make up. And that is exactly what a majority of the
"masseuses" do.They sit outside for hours publicly doing their own makeup waiting for
clients*.
Once they finally get their hands on you, they make believe they are chiropractors twisting and cracking vital joints, bones and organs while occasionally asking if "you okay babeey?"
One of the signature qualities of the Thai massage is them using their entire body intertwined with yours. Specifically, their feet, which they use to walk up and down your spine, when they're not in between YOUR legs doing full body push-ups on your pelvis.
Objecting is of course always an options while language is always a barrier. So while your vertebrae may feel like its about to implode, you only get to say ''GARFLAHGHDEIDLS!" The response to which is inevitably...you ok babeeee?
But by that time, you are already a quadriplegic. Sorry babeey.
But for all its ups and downs, lefts and rights, bends and flexes, we are now officially up to almost 5 each in three weeks.
The truest form of addiction.Can't stop won't stop.

*Clients*: Men looking for handies.

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